(Toni Butero is the parent of Gustine High School senior Sarah Butero. She and Sarah volunteered to write columns reflecting their participation in the Every 15 Minutes program at GHS last week. The program, which includes a staged car accident, a memorial service for students who “died” every 15 minutes, retreats for parents and students involved, and guest speakers.)

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare…two California Highway Patrol officers at your doorstep, informing you that your child has died in a motor vehicle accident. Twenty-seven parents from Gustine High School, ourselves included, received the tragic news last Tuesday.

But we were the lucky ones.

You see, our children were chosen to participate in the Every 15 Minutes program, and they were just staying in Santa Nella for the night. We knew that they would be safely at home the next day. Even though we all knew this, the tears that were shed that day and at a parents’ retreat Tuesday evening were painfully real.

A mock accident started the day on Tuesday, and every 15 minutes another child “died,” claimed by the Grim Reaper and led away.

On Wednesday at 11 a.m., their parents and classmates in  junior and senior classes attended a mock funeral and assembly.

Everyone was quiet as we listened to the story of Judge Wendy Reynolds, whose family was killed by a drunken driver. Judge Reynolds, who was critically injured in the accident, was 5 years old at the time. Both her parents and her 1-year-old sister were killed instantly. As I sat listening to her story, I was looking at my 6-month-old son Samuel, trying to imagine the sadness she felt being told that her whole world was taken from her in one horrible moment.

We were then shown a video of our kids as they laughed and visited with their friends, sat in their classes and lived their lives…and then BAM! We were thrown into scenes of a horrific car accident. There was screaming, crying and a sense of sadness and desperation in the air. For those of us in the audience none of it seemed staged.

As part of the program the victims of drunken driving (our kids) and the parents were asked to write good-bye letters to each other during separate retreats on Tuesday night. Vince and I both struggled with what we wanted to say – how to pretend that a beautiful, vibrant, smart and caring young woman was gone, her life stolen from her by a drunken driver.

As I wrote the letter, the realness of the situation came into focus. Here was an opportunity as a parent to show your child some of the unconditional love that you have for them. An opportunity to tell your child all the things that are in your heart, things that are never said because there isn’t enough time in between making dinner, going to practice or doing homework. After the retreat I was asked if I would be willing to share all or part of our letter to the assembly.

All through the night and next morning I was sure that I would be able to get up, read the letter and sit back down, knowing that Sarah was sitting 15 feet away and all would be okay. But as I got up and began reading the letter to everyone, every feeling that was in the letter, every word became so real, as if Sarah really was gone and we were left with all these unspoken feelings. The pain in my soul, the sorrow for every parent that participated in the program and experienced losing their child, every emotion I had felt over those two days came out as I started to read our letter.

My heart went out to the law enforcement officers who have to knock on the door of  unsuspecting parents whose world is about to be forever shattered.

To Judge Reynolds, whose children will never know the joy of their grandparents and aunt.

And to all the parents, brothers, sisters and friends who have lost someone they loved to a tragic accident or at the hands of a drunken driver.

Their pain continues, while we had the good fortune to be able to hug our kids as soon as the assembly was over.

For those who have lost a loved one, the tragedy is a nightmare from which they cannot awaken; a wound that never fully heals.

Our families had a very unique experience, one that taught us a few lessons. The first, and most important one…NEVER drink and drive, never get in a car with someone who is intoxicated.

But it also reminded us not to take a single day for granted, and to tell your children and family how much they mean to you and what your life would be like if they were no longer here.

Many words aptly describe the “Every 15 Minutes” program.

Powerful. Gut-wrenching. Emotional. Moving. Draining.

The lessons learned will stay with our family - and hopefully others - long into the future.

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