I had the tremendous opportunity last weekend to attend a silent retreat at Villombrosa in Menlo Park. Yes, I said silent retreat. My family was amazed that I would choose to be silent for a whole weekend and had doubts I could do it. But actually, it was what I had been searching for.

I have had a lot of things weighing heavily on my mind and heart and I had been longing for a Catholic retreat that would allow me the time to do some soul-searching and regrouping – a time to contemplate life’s meaning, to feel and to think, cry and rejoice; uninterrupted or judged. This was my first silent retreat and I was unsure if it would provide what I had been seeking but joyfully discovered it did.

I am often home alone. My husband travels frequently for work and my children are grown, so not speaking wasn’t a challenge for me. What I discovered however was being silent didn’t just mean not using my voice but also clearing my thoughts and the distractions around me. That was difficult for me; my mind usually races a million miles a minute with ideas, worries and random thoughts. How was I supposed to just turn that off? Was it even possible? I discovered it was and how rejuvenating it can be!

Father Michael Pintacura opened the retreat with an invitation to each of us to allow ourselves to be selfish – to let go of our thoughts, our “to do” lists, our caretaking of others and free our minds of everything. With our complete silence in body and soul we could allow God to speak to us. “He will tell you when to think and what to do,” he advised us. “Just take in the surroundings before you and give this time to yourselves.”

From about 8 p.m. on Friday to noon on Sunday we (nearly 60 women) were silent and it was refreshing. We passed one another on the way to the next presentation and exchanged a smile or a nod. We shared meals and mass together using our voices in song and prayer but not with one another. We each were on our own private retreat and respected one another’s silence.

The grounds of Villombrosa are ideal, with many benches in the shade, meditation gardens, lots of fragrant plants, trees and flowers, waterfalls, a beautiful chapel, quiet library and three adorable bunnies; providing a peaceful setting to spend some quiet quality time in reflection.

At home I regularly take time to stop and contemplate, to pray and appreciate God’s work but I realized this weekend that I hadn’t totally freed my mind and listened to Him speak directly to me. It’s more of a one way conversation that I had fit in. And when I’d taken the time to reflect on things, to “deal” with worries or frustrations, I tended to stop myself when feelings got too strong or interrupted by the phone or I would allow myself to escape to the television.

I am a happy person, I am blessed with many graces in life, so feelings of sadness or disappointment, frustration or self-pity don’t sit well with me and I tend to not let them fully play out. This weekend, allowed me the time to come full circle with them.

It took me until mid-Saturday before I could completely free my mind and absorb the experience and the moment. I was grateful to receive 40 hours all to myself to let go, to feel, to discover and to rejoice at my own pace, on my own timeline. It was wonderful! Just what I had been searching for!

Being silent for a weekend was a tremendous gift to my heart and my soul (and probably to my family, too.) I highly recommend it. Thank you, Ann, for inviting me to attend.

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