Hung and Brenda Pham are not ones to seek the spotlight, but they are ones that light up a room upon entering.  Their infectious energy and love for each other shine through with anybody who has come to know them.  With Hung’s Vietnamese background and Brenda’s Native American background (Chippewa Tribe), both have united in a beautiful way rich in culture, tradition, and a deep sense of American pride.

I took an opportunity to talk with them and their two daughters, Jessica and Kayla, about their marriage and what makes their love special. It was a pleasure to speak with this loving “Pham-ily” and shining a light on them this Valentine’s Day:

Ms. Rose: When and how did you two meet?

Brenda: “Hung and I went to Prospect High in Saratoga, California together, but we never really knew each other in school.  He graduated in 1981 and I graduated in 1982.  His sister and I were best friends in high school and after graduation we moved into an apartment together.  From time to time, Hung would drop by our apartment to visit, which was when I first actually met him.

Hung: My mom encouraged me to ask her out on a date, so one evening I popped by the apartment and asked her to dinner and a movie. She said yes!

Brenda: I don’t remember the movie, but I do remember falling asleep! He still asked me for another date, though!

Ms. Rose: Was it love at first sight?

Brenda: It wasn’t at first sight, but a gradual falling in love over time.  We dated for over three years.  He proposed to me on Christmas Day in 1985.  He gave me a 49ers jacket and after I put it on, he proposed to me and I said yes.

Ms. Rose: Memorable moments from dating?

Brenda: No specific moments stick out but what we loved to do together was hanging out, fishing, short trips, and weekends at his family’s houseboat.

Jessica: I love hearing about their time before we came along.  My Dad always treated my mom like a queen and still would do anything for her.

Ms. Rose: When did you get married? Any unique wedding traditions?

Brenda: We had a very traditional church wedding actually.  Our colors were rose and white and we were married on September 27th, 1986 in Cupertino and then we honeymooned in Maui.

Hung: We went snorkeling and scuba diving which were great adventures for us.

Ms. Rose: When did you come to Newman? What drew you here?

Hung: In 1988 we had our first daughter, Jessica, and were living in San Jose.  We moved to Newman in 1990 after seeing the lower house prices and instantly fell in love with the small town feel of Newman.  In 1991 we had our second daughter, Kayla, who was born in Turlock.

Brenda: We loved raising our girls here.

Jessica: We would always tease my dad and tell him that the women out ruled him in this household.

Ms. Rose: What are some ways you both show your love to each other?

Hung: I always joke that Brenda’s cooking was one of the reasons why I married her.  Her lasagna is my favorite.

Brenda: Hung has always been a hard worker and its his way of showing his love to us by providing for his family.  When Hung has to do something outside, like in the backyard, he always wants me to come out with him and keep him company; spending time together no matter when or where is very important to both of us.

Kayla: One of my favorite things about my parents is the devotion and dedication they have for one another.  Despite the ups and downs in life, they stuck by each others side.  A great example of this is when my dad suffered a career ending injury that caused him to be in a wheelchair for about a year.  My mom gave him around the clock care while dealing with two little knuckleheads at the same time.  She also picked up extra work to help make ends meet. When my dad returned to work, he put in countless hours, and still does to this day, to give my mom the life she deserves.

Jessica: My parents were and still are very hard workers.  They taught us that faith and hard work will always get us far in life.

Ms. Rose: How has your faith played a role in your family?

Jessica: My biggest memories would be when we would all go to church together  It’s been a huge part of our lives and still today, God has brought us extremely closer together especially in these last years.

Brenda: One of my favorite verses is from Jeremiah 29:11 that says “For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” We try to exemplify that God is always there and He has the plans with us in mind.

Jessica: My big takeaway from my parents, especially in my current relationship, is that God always has a perfect timing for everything.  My parents were a huge support to me during these last few years through my grief and the unconditional love they showed me was beyond.  I strive to have a marriage like theirs one day.

Kayla: Their devotion and dedication to one another is inspiring and is a great reminder for me now that I’m married with kids.  I hope that these two character traits are passed down to my kids just like they were passed down to me.

Ms. Rose: What marriage advice do you have?

Hung: Never go to bed angry at each other.  We talk it out, say we’re sorry and figure out what we can do better next time. Communication is the key.

Brenda: Our faith is very important to us and we put God first in our marriage and it has made our marriage stronger.  There is a reason why 1 Corinthians 13 4-5 is so popular: “Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”